hmmmm...

Spring semester should be starting soon and I'm ready but something tells me my school is about to screw me over (as always). If it happens, I'll go into detail later. Currently updating the iPod...I swear I update this thing like every day and I'm on it wayy too much cause it's always dead. This thing is awesome though when I don't wanna get on my laptop but still wanna be on twitter haha! Umm...hopefully within the next couple of weeks, I'll be going back to get my third tattoo. And me and the bestie wanna get matching tats but neither one of us can think of what to get sooo it may not happen lol

OH! So I signed onto myspace for the first time in ages and who decides to hit me up? Captain Asshole. Yeah, I didn't know what to think. Well actually...my first thought was "holy shit...wtf does he want from my life?" I was pissed cause he's got some nerve after what he did but now I find myself looking back on our relationship just wondering where we went wrong. I want to forgive the things he did but I don't think I can. I mean, you can only hurt a person so many times. He meant so much to me but he clearly didn't know how to treat me. Getting over your first is HARD. The scariest part of all this is that I'm still not completely over him. Oh boy...bring on the drama.

ladies, why do we hate each other??

Okay, so this has been bothering me. Not a day goes by where I don't hear a female hating on another girl because of what she has, what she does, who she's with, or how she looks. It's all over twitter, blogs, facebook...all that shit. I just don't understand why we always tear each other down. I'm not gonna front, I used to hate on chicks back in the day because I didn't have a lot and I wanted what they had. But now that I'm all grown up, I find it pointless. I'm happy with myself, my life and whatever I'm not happy with I'm gonna change it. I don't get why girls constantly another girl a "bitch" because she has on Prada heels and you don't.

Can't afford her clothes? Get a job and go buy them.
Shorty got the long hair, don't care? Buy some hair and get a weave.
She got a man and you don't? Go get one. There's someone for everyone.

I just can't stand all the hate in the world. It's 2010 and we still so hung up on petty shit. And then it gets so bad to the point where chicks are fighting, beating each other with bats, and killing each other. Like damn ma, it's never that serious.

super hella random.

Finally got my new lip ring. I've been dying to change it since I got it and now I have. Trying something different for 2010. I love it. Makes my lips look niceeee ;)

Yes yes...2010 is two hours away and I, for one, am super ecstatic. 2009 has been full of ups and downs, tears and fights, love and lost. I'm ready to move on and progress and to make up for where I lacked. Currently at home throwing a little party with my brother. We've got the entire house to ourselves and we're totally taking advantage of it. Anyway, hope everyone has a safe and happy new years. God bless you all and I'll see you in 2010.

smile. 2010 is almost here.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I got my iPod Touch but because my dad got me the 32GB I didn't get anything else. My brother is going to get me a pair of Jordans since I've been crying about them. I was going to cop the Space Jams but they're $175. Yeah, I don't want Jordans that bad. My Christmas started off good, ended on a bad note thanks to my parents. I swear they're going to be the death of me.

Things have been rough lately and I've been stressed so I thought maybe partying would be a good way to release some of that. Me and the bestie went, everything was cool. We danced, laughed, and had a good time. My boo and his best friend showed up so for the last hour and a half of the party me and my bestie went our separate ways. I was boo-loving with dude in the lounge area and it was nice. He was hella drunk and maddd high. He tried to get me to smoke with him but nah, not my style. He was too cute though. He kept laughing and smiling. Ugh, he makes me sick :)

Everything was cool until I heard the rumor going on about me that someone who was supposed to be a friend was spreading. It was a wild ass rumor, just disgustingly terrible, and I can't believe he said it then tried to blame it on his cousin. I knew he was a bitch-made nigga. But I saw my booskie the next day and we talked it about (the rumor involved him too) and he got me to calm down a little bit. I'm just pissed that someone would go to such lengths to slander my name. I wanna have this nigga handled proper but I'm trying to let God do his thing. I know he can take care of him far better than I can. God, please don't take too long though. I'm sorry but you know I'm impatient.

2009 has been an absolute terrible year for not only myself but for the world. I am so ready for the new year. But I know the changes I want to make can't wait until 1.1.2010. I might as well start now...it's only four days away.

P.S. Happy 1st birthday to my stepson, the cutest, fat faced, two teeth having baby in the world :)

random.

Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?
ninjas. they kick ass. JUDO CHOP!

If you had to give up one favorite food, what would the most difficult?
seafood

If you could have a super power, what would it be?
The ability to read minds. People never truly say how they feel so I'd like to know the truth, even if it hurts.

My dog is an asshole.

well, the weather outside is frightful...

The snow and I have a love/hate relationship. As a kid, my fondest memory of the snow was my brother knocking my glasses off in the snow and then hitting me in the eye with a snowball. I was crying and my eyeball was damn near frostbitten. He's a bastard. As I got older, I began to like it. Building snowmen, catching snowflakes on my tongue, making penis-shaped snow angels...yeah, snow is cool. But now? It's a drag. It just keeps me from doing things. And I hate the cold. Thank God I went out and got this kick ass hat.

I love it. It keeps my head and ears nice and cozy. I feel I have an obsession with it now. I pretty much wear it all the time. I have to get more.

girl crushes: 1st edition

Some women are just so beautiful. No, not a lesbo, but I'd definitely consider switching teams for some of these chicks ;)

1. Scarlett Johansson. She's gorgeous, has a great style, and seems like the [hot] girl next door. I love her, especially in "The Nanny Diaries."

2. Charlize Theron. Have you seen her performance in "Monster"? She is a great actress and she's super hot. I'd smash, no doubt.

3. Rosario Dawson. Dude, do you see her? `Nuff said.

my christmas list.

1. Classic black pump. Rosemore from Aldo. Must have.

2. iPod Touch. Nope, heard my Daddy's getting me this. Yay me!

3. Jordans. Not these necessarily but I can't choose which ones I want yet.

4. Another pair of Uggs.

5. Various clothing articles. I'm going to treat myself since uh...I have no one to buy me anything.

AMEN-GAZA KIM (it was playing but i kinda got sick of that playlist)

My anthem right now. Yeah, I’m glad Jesus has removed the annoying/unnecessary men in my life but I’m glad he has rid my life of unnecessary people period. One thing I hate doing is wasting my time and I seemed to have done that a lot this year. I don’t have time for people who aren’t doing shit with their lives. If you’re not helping me or inspiring me to be a better person, get the hell out of my face. You serve no purpose. Kill yourself.
And as for men…just remember. Boys are like busses…miss one, next fifteen, one coming :)

feeling sucky

I hate this little sad/depressed state I'm in. Okay sooo...I said I still had feelings for my ex and I decided to act on it. I saw him, told him how I felt and basically, I got deaded. He said he didn't have feelings for me but he doesn't have feelings about anything lately. Wtf does that even mean? I don't know...I thought I picked my face up off the floor and moved on but uhh....guess not. I saw him today and I broke down. I got all emotional and sad and I guess he could tell since he asked me if I was okay. I got a little teary eyed but I made sure no one saw.

This is so not me. This year has changed me completely and I've become so emotional and I now wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't like it because its hard for me to mask my emotions but...I guess that can be considered a gift and a curse. Anyway, I hate that I still have feelings for him especially since he doesn't have any for me even though he told me he did like two months ago but WHATEVER. Moving on....

So as of right now, I'm completely COMPLETELY single. No boos on the side, no boyfriend, no potentials, no nothing. I've had enough of 2009. Bring on the new year.

damn it all to hell.

Okay no, seriously....I miss my ex...like on some true G shit, I miss him. He was the one dude who I knew, without a doubt in my mind, loved me. I NEVER had to second guess his love for me because not only did he tell me, he showed me. Whyyyyyyyyy did we break up?! Ugh....and its not like we even broke up some "I HATE YOU!" "NO, I HATE YOU MORE!" shit. It was a mutual thing because I wasn't in the right place in my life and neither was he. But dude......I miss him. I wish I had the courage to actually tell him. I told him I still had feelings for him before and he said the same but we both established we didn't love each other anymore. I'd give my right titty to be with him right about now....

....okay maybe not my titty but you see where I'm going. Maybe this is my loneliness getting the best of me but I've felt this way about him for a while. He was such a great guy and I can't stop thinking about him. We've always been able to be honest with each other about our feelings, whether they were good or bad, but I just can't seem to find it in me to tell him. I'm terrified that any feelings he had for me are gone. And I don't know if he's talking to someone (imma kill the bitch if he is......nah just kidding.......no i'm not...) and I'm not the type to break up a happy home. OMG......this sucks.

i hate the holidays.

This is such a lonely time for me. All my friends are buying gifts for their significant others and wondering what they may be getting, couples seem to be popping up everywhere I turn...it's just driving me mad! I've never spent the holidays with a boyfriend even though I've had boyfriends during those times. Captain Asshole was gone for majority of our relationship so I never got to properly celebrate with him, Lorne and I broke up in the beginning of December...come to think of it....I think we broke up this very day last year. Wow.......anywho, I just really wish I had someone to be all cute and mushy with. That's not anywhere near my style but I'm craving love and affection right now.

what's sexy?

Everyone has their own opinion on what being sexy is but a lot of opinions are based solely on outer appearance. Beauty is only skin deep and for me to really consider a person sexy, they have to have more than just looks going for them. Here's my picks for the 6 (couldn't do 5. I hate odd numbers) sexiest people in the world and why. (no particular order).

1. Vashtie Kola. She's the epitome of a cool chick to me. She's fun, super cute, and she truly lives up to her nickname "Downtown's Sweetheart." For a while I only knew her as "Pharrell's girlfriend" but after doing my research and peeping her blog, I now see Ms. Vashtie is so much more than that. She's a director (think music: Kid Cudi, Justin Bieber, Solange, etc.) a designer, artist, party promoter, and the list goes on. She's funny and has her own style, which I love. She's more than just a pretty face and her "I'mma do me" attitude is what makes her sexy.

2. Kid Cudi. He's sexy for a number of reasons. The main reason being that he's not trying to be something he's not. He's not trying to be a gangsta, he's not trying to be a ladies' man, he's just being Scott. The self-proclaimed "Man on the Moon," is a jokester, a dork, and a creative mind all wrapped in gorgeous packaging. Cudi thinks outside the box and doesn't stay in the narrow lane that rap has paved. He's not afraid to experiment with different sounds, not afraid to rock his skinny jeans and chucks, and not afraid to be his true cheeseburger, weed loving self. And any man who can hop on stage dressed like Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" in a wolf costume and rock out is fucking hot to me.

3. Alicia Keys. Yes, my idol is drop dead gorgeous and has a kick ass body but she's also fun and she's extremely talented. She's an amazing singer, writer, musician but also a philanthropist, which is probably what I admire most about her. She's the co-founder of the non-profit organization, Keep a Child Alive, which helps provide medicine to families with HIV and AIDS in Africa. She's done so many concerts and traveled so many places trying to raise awareness about AIDS and poverity in Africa. She's used her fame to help others and to garner attention for important topics. She's selfless and I think that's beautiful.

4. Trey Songz. Everyone knows I love dude like hell but I'm not only attracted to Trey because he's fine as all get out. This country boy is intelligent, a go-getter and he's inspirational. His skills as an artist amaze me sometimes. He's not afraid to be silly (have you seen this idiot dancing like Diddy on Youtube?) and a man with a sense of humor is extremely sexy. But the day he went in on Sandra Rose on twitter for the shit she was saying about him, was the day I knew he had my heart. He's a clown and the fact that he can make a woman's panties wet with just a look is pretty damn sexy too.

5. Omahyra Mota. Hmmm...where do I begin? Chick is straight bad ass and I would do her any day of the damn week. Yes, she's a high fashion model but she's not your average. She's a cigarette smoking, tattoo donning Dominican mami, who could probably kick any woman or man's ass. Majority of the photoshoots she does are edgy and sometimes a bit scary but in her case, scary is sexy. She's beautiful and I love her "fuck the world" attitude. She doesn't care if you don't like her and she does her own thing. That's hot.

6. Common. Amazing rapper, talented actor, adoring father, beautiful soul. Even though Common is physically attractive, his mind is what captivates me. He's so deep and is such an intellectual and that's a turn on. I feel he's a man that can stimulate your mind, body, and soul completely and have you following him around like a lost puppy. He's also part of the "Knowing Is Beautiful" movement, which supports HIV/AIDS awareness. But this conscious rapper isn't just all work and no play. Common is an avid basketball player, and a good one I hear, and can be seen on plenty blogs taking his daughter out for some daddy/daughter time and frolicking along beaches with girlfriend, Serena Williams. Gotta love that man.

a promise i must keep.

Okay, I say this every year as my New Year's resolution but no, I feel like I need to get started early. I've gained so much weight this year because of personal issues and me just not taking care of myself and right here, right now, I say it stops. When I was doing track I was in the best shape of my life and I've fallen off so bad. It's time for me to get myself together and to keep it up for the rest of my life because Lord knows its harder to lose the weight the older you get. I break this promise to myself every year but enough is enough. Gotta get it together! Thanksgiving didn't really do anything to me mainly because I suck at eating. I'm the number one worst person to take to the buffet because I can only eat one plate and to make things worse, I eat like a turtle. I just make the wrong decisions when I dine out. Hella annoying dude. I'm gonna get me and the bestie back on the right track, back to eating right, and back to running and working out if it kills me.

Time to get on that Kanye Workout Plan. Now, where's my tape?

ineedavacation.

I'm so sick and tired of trying to be nice to people. I try to help them out, I try to give advice, and all they do is take my kindness for weakness. 1.) I'm not a nice person to begin with so if I go out of my way to help you in any way, shape or form, then take notice of that. 2.) Everyone loves to be shown some appreciation and to not be shown any is a BITCH.

I swear one day I'mma just tell these bitches off. It seems there's still a bit of niceness (is that even a word? fuck it, it is today) floating around because when it comes to telling someone off, someone who's supposed to be a friend, its kind of hard for me. I honestly don't like to hurt people's feelings but sometimes that's the only way they fucking get it. I'm so sick of lame ass people.

I wish I could smoke but I can't. I wish I still drank but I don't. I'm about to spaz in this bitch. I'll be away for a little while. See yall when I get my head right.

love at first sight.

Is there such a thing? I've always wondered. I definitely believe in lust at first sight but love? Nah, I need to get to know a person before I can actually love them. When I first met the boyfriend Mr. Military Man (I hate labels) he didn't phase me not one bit. We would talk on the phone all the time, he'd say the sweetest things, tell me that my face (he had a picture of me on his phone) was the last thing he saw before he went to sleep, and just everything a guy should say to make a chick swoon over them but I just wasn't falling for it. I mean, maybe its because of my past with men but I don't gush over guys. If I didn't talk to him or text him, I wasn't freaking out. He was just another guy to me. Yeah, Summer of `08  I was on my bullshxt and didn't take guys seriously. They were my 'hoes' and boy oh boy did I have a lot of them. Had dudes on deck...okay rambling. Anyway, he initially annoyed me but as time progressed I realized how much I loved him.

I think love at first sight is a crock of shit. There can definitely be a huge attraction between two people but not love. Everyone knows I go ape-shit for Trey and when I first saw him in this magazine (Blender mag, I believe. It was some ad he was in) I thought he was hot, did my research, heard him sing, but didn't fall in love until I saw a few interviews and heard his debut album.

Holy shit....I had a lot of stuff to say about love at first sight but after talking about dude and then going on about Trey, I kinda forgot where I was going with this. Ummm...yeah.

The gist of this post: love at first sight is about as real as the tooth fairy to me. Sorry kiddies but mama's a non-believer.