Love sucks.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted nothing more but to be in love and be loved back. I never wanted a fairy tale romance because I'm a realist and I know there are no such things as a perfect relationship but I just yearned for something that felt right to me. I've been through so many guys since I turned sixteen and all have fallen short. Except him.

I've spoke numerous times about dude, you know, the one in the army and as much as I wanna let him go, I just can't. I don't use the fact that he was my first as a reason to stay but its because of that reason that its harder to let him go completely. He can't give me anything I need right now and I'm young, I should keep my options open. I want to keep my options open.

Damn my heart for not allowing me. I hate love because it doesn't allow me to be in control. Fuck...