what i deserve.

Me and Military Man Captain Asshole are done. I won't go into details as to why but let's just say that these social networking sites are terrible for relationships. He knows what he did, I know what he did. My heart is breaking and I shed a few tears, all before I had to go to my 3:45 class but then I realized that he didn't deserve me. I was a loving, supportive girlfriend...a damn good girlfriend who would've given him the world if he asked for it but he just couldn't see that. For the past year and a half I stood behind him as he went to do his army thing and I waited for him...hell, I was still waiting up until today for his return home.

I've cried enough tears over this man. No more. I'm taking this as a lesson learned and I'm not going to mope or be depressed like the previous times we've gone through BS. He was my first (as in virginity and love) and I will never forget him nor will I ever stop loving him. But as far as our relationship goes, we're kaput. Gosh this sucks major dick but I have no choice but to move on.

Another relationship is the last thing on my mind. I need to relax and just be single for a second. "It's time for an official nigga," I can clearly remember this convo between me and my best friend. She's found her official dude after a series of flops and so has my other bestie. Why I'm stuck in a rut with these wrong guys is blowing my mind.

It's about that time for me to take a look at myself and see what I may be doing wrong and also to take a look at the men I've dated. I always seem to fall for the bad boys. Oh yeah ladies, don't believe the hype; they're not all their cracked up to be. Anywho, I picked up a few things at the mall today to make me feel better. I have to stop shopping until Black Friday comes. I've been going IN since Saturday and I need to slow my roll.

That was totally off topic. Sorry.

Love is a beautiful thing and I don't regret loving Captain Asshole. Yes, he hurt me but I'm not the type of chick to shit on someone just because they didn't do right by me. He is an amazing guy, just not the one for me. I bag enough dudes to know there will be others but I'm going to be hella selective. I'm not the girl I used to be and I know what I want in a man and a relationship and I refuse to settle anymore.

I deserve a respectful, caring, God-fearing, strong, independent man who knows a good thing when he sees it.

Shawty, where you at?